For rating metrics, see post of May 2, 2007.
Plot line: Samuel Jackson is FBI who is escorting a surfer dude witness from Hawaii to the main land so surfer dude can testify in a criminal trial. Hawaiian mafia don't want him to testify so they arrange for some really pissed off snakes to be released throughout the plane carrying said surfer dude and Shaft. Much hissing and confusion ensues.
Here is how I imagine the creative process occurred relating to this movie.
3 or 4 twenty-something wannabe screen writers score some really good ganja one night and the following occurs:
" 'Mon, dude, pass it. Don't bogart the doobie". (It's obvious I'm hip to how they talk.)
" 'K, 'ere." (Sucking sound)
"Whoa, this is good shit. I'm toasted."
"Hey dawg, you know what would be really cool?"
"Yeah, some Cheetos and some fudge."
"Yeah, but what would be really cool would be a flick about a bunch of bad ass snakes getting loose in a tight place and having all the people have to deal with them."
"No way, that would be so lame."
"No, listen. What if a bunch of snakes crawled on a bus and bit everybody."
"Why wouldn't the people just get off the bus?"
"Strong point. Let's put them in a stuck elevator, no, let's put them in a plane! And the snakes don't get loose until the plane is in the air."
"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"No, dude, wait. Somebody could sneak about a million snakes through security and hide them in the cargo room and then have them get out and go crazy."
"Yeah, but snakes are cold blooded and would just lie there and never go anywhere."
"I know! We'll hide them behind some flowers and spray the flowers with some stuff that drives the snakes crazy and then we'll have little explosive charges open the boxes for the snakes and then they'll crawl through the flowers and get freaking crazy. Oh my God, this is so good!"
"Where will you get the snakes?"
"No prob, we'll CGI'em. I know a guy."
"So why are the snakes on the plane?"
"OK, let's think. Some bad guys are trying to kill one person on the plane so rather than just shoot him when he's getting on or off the plane they concoct this James Bond villianesque plan to kill him with snakes. The good part is that they don't have to actually cause the victim to get bit as long as they just bring the plane down. So we could have them bite all the pilots."
"Great, then let's put a stereotype of everybody on the plane. We put on a really up tight white guy and a rapper and his posse and a elite white girl like Paris Hilton with a dog that gets bit and a lot of stuff like that."
"Yeah, then we could have every conceivable part of the human body get bit by snakes. Like two people joining the mile high club and the babe gets it in the aureole. And, and...a guy is taking a leak and one gets him on the johnson and a fat guy gets bit in the butt and someone gets bit in the eye. This is going to be so good!"
"What happens when the pilots get bit?"
"I know, I know! We could have one of the rapper's posse be a PlayStation expert that has played enough Flight Simulator that he flies the plane and then when he lands it successfully, he doesn't know how to stop it because he always just hit the Reset button and started another game. This is going to be huge!"
"This really needs Samuel Jackson in it."
"No way, Samuel Jackson has much too much pride to mess with this crap."
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