California Dreamin'...

The spousal unit and I just returned from a trip to Los Angeles to visit the spousal unit's eldest and his significant other. Both are lovely, hospitable people and we enjoyed our visit very much.

The spousal unit's eldest works for a movie production company that is presently filming a movie called "Days of Wrath". He took us to a couple of sets where the film was being made. We met Laurence Fishburne (Matrix's Morpheus) and saw Jeffrey Dean Morgan ("Denny" who died on "Grey's Anatomy") and Wilmer Valderrama ("Fez" on "That '70s Show"). Valderrama was playing a gang member and had shaved his head and had been inked and looked nothing like Fez. All in all, a vast improvement. We also were eating at a restaurant at the same time as Hillary Duff. Being old and hipply challenged, she had to be pointed out to us. Needless to say, all of this was very entertaining for us old folks from the country.

We also were treated to a trip to Santa Barbara and the Pasadena Flea Market at the Rose Bowl. Very entertaining.

The eldest and his significant other are betrothed with a scheduled wedding in October. We visited the venue of the planned nuptials and it is beautiful as are the bride and groom. The first picture above is the view from the country club where the wedding will occur.

We stayed in a hotel in Studio City on Ventura Boulevard. The restaurants are exceptional. We had lunch one day across the street from where Robert Blake did not kill his wife. We also had an opportunity to visit with an old friend who works for a famous gossip magazine. She always has a lot of good stuff on people that I know nothing about and she is also naturally hysterically funny. Very nice to see her again.

There are a lot of people in Los Angeles. I think I know a few reasons why. The weather is almost always perfect and the flowers and other decorations are exceptional. Living in paradise on a daily basis would not get old, if you have enough money. The restaurants are exceptional and the town is full of beautiful, talented people. You will not fully understand the extent of this until you have spent 30 or 40 minutes outside one of the studios and watched 5 or 6 of the most spectacular women you have ever seen walk by. And this is just one studio and one sidewalk.

I could live there happily (if I had enough money).

Movie Review - "Snakes On A Plane" - Rating: Mothra 2.8

For rating metrics, see post of May 2, 2007.

Plot line: Samuel Jackson is FBI who is escorting a surfer dude witness from Hawaii to the main land so surfer dude can testify in a criminal trial. Hawaiian mafia don't want him to testify so they arrange for some really pissed off snakes to be released throughout the plane carrying said surfer dude and Shaft. Much hissing and confusion ensues.

Here is how I imagine the creative process occurred relating to this movie.

3 or 4 twenty-something wannabe screen writers score some really good ganja one night and the following occurs:

" 'Mon, dude, pass it. Don't bogart the doobie". (It's obvious I'm hip to how they talk.)

" 'K, 'ere." (Sucking sound)

"Whoa, this is good shit. I'm toasted."

"Hey dawg, you know what would be really cool?"

"Yeah, some Cheetos and some fudge."

"Yeah, but what would be really cool would be a flick about a bunch of bad ass snakes getting loose in a tight place and having all the people have to deal with them."

"No way, that would be so lame."

"No, listen. What if a bunch of snakes crawled on a bus and bit everybody."

"Why wouldn't the people just get off the bus?"

"Strong point. Let's put them in a stuck elevator, no, let's put them in a plane! And the snakes don't get loose until the plane is in the air."

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"No, dude, wait. Somebody could sneak about a million snakes through security and hide them in the cargo room and then have them get out and go crazy."

"Yeah, but snakes are cold blooded and would just lie there and never go anywhere."

"I know! We'll hide them behind some flowers and spray the flowers with some stuff that drives the snakes crazy and then we'll have little explosive charges open the boxes for the snakes and then they'll crawl through the flowers and get freaking crazy. Oh my God, this is so good!"

"Where will you get the snakes?"

"No prob, we'll CGI'em. I know a guy."

"So why are the snakes on the plane?"

"OK, let's think. Some bad guys are trying to kill one person on the plane so rather than just shoot him when he's getting on or off the plane they concoct this James Bond villianesque plan to kill him with snakes. The good part is that they don't have to actually cause the victim to get bit as long as they just bring the plane down. So we could have them bite all the pilots."

"Great, then let's put a stereotype of everybody on the plane. We put on a really up tight white guy and a rapper and his posse and a elite white girl like Paris Hilton with a dog that gets bit and a lot of stuff like that."

"Yeah, then we could have every conceivable part of the human body get bit by snakes. Like two people joining the mile high club and the babe gets it in the aureole. And, and...a guy is taking a leak and one gets him on the johnson and a fat guy gets bit in the butt and someone gets bit in the eye. This is going to be so good!"

"What happens when the pilots get bit?"

"I know, I know! We could have one of the rapper's posse be a PlayStation expert that has played enough Flight Simulator that he flies the plane and then when he lands it successfully, he doesn't know how to stop it because he always just hit the Reset button and started another game. This is going to be huge!"

"This really needs Samuel Jackson in it."

"No way, Samuel Jackson has much too much pride to mess with this crap."

Movie Review - "Fracture" - Rating: Mothra 7.4

For rating metrics see the previous post.

"Fracture" stars Anthony Hopkins (a million movies) and Ryan Gosling (Notebook, Remember The Titans, Murder By Numbers) and some other people. Anthony Hopkins is a really smart dude whose younger wife is having an affair with a policeman hostage negotiator. Naturally, Hopkins kills his wife. Gosling is a hot shot prosecutor who is leaving the prosecutor's office for a better gig at a large law firm. Hopkins games the system, acts as his own lawyer and in spite of a confession and being the only one in the house at the time of the murder and being caught with a gun in his hand, he manages to beat the rap with Gosling as the prosecutor. Naturally, Gosling is fired from the prosecutor's office and looses his new job at the law firm along with the hot chick lawyer from the new firm that, for no apparent reason, has taken to him. The cat and mouse game between Hopkins and Gosling (with the roles changing a couple of times) is interesting and there is some pretty good acting in almost all the roles. We saw it at the theater and it was worth the price of admission.

We misjudged the starting time a little bit and to waste some time, we walked in to the theater showing "Blades Of Glory" with Will Ferrel and the guy from "Napoleon Dynamite". I would have been pissed if I had paid to see that stuff. Solely from about 20 minutes of that minutes, I would rate it as a Mothra 3.8. Don't pay full price to see this movie and only watch it if Netflix delivers it to you by mistake.

"Spiderman 3" also opened the night we saw Fracture and judging by the massive crowds and the large number of screens on which it was showing, this could be a blockbuster.

Movie Reviews - A New Public Service

Let me take time out from my incessant bitching to institute a new public service: movie reviews. I will attempt to bring a level of consistent professionalism to movie reviews that has been absent from such efforts in the past. I will use a stolen system to rate the movies that I have seen. Since I don't have many (any) original thoughts, I will rate movies according to the "Mothra" rating system. I read about this systems some time in the past and I made a half assed attempt to Google it but found nothing, so I'll use it like I own it. All movies shall be rated for overall appeal on a scale of 1 to 10 with Mothra as a 5. As everybody know, Mothra (the 1961 original), was about two very small twins from a radioactive island (the root of all mutations in Japanese movies) that use telepathic songs to summon their friend, Mothra, the giant moth. Mothra goes to Tokyo to find the pint sized twins and rescue them and in the process, the wind from his wings cause great destruction along his path and on Tokyo eventually. The special effects are spectacular with the Mothra model beating his wings a couple of times and achieving supersonic speed almost immediately. The best scene in the movie, aside from the high pitched keening of the twins' song, is where Mothra is flying over a city with the expected destruction ensuing and a man is walking down the street leaning against the wind caused by Mothra when a car goes blowing past him.

Therefore, by definition Mothra is a "Mothra" 5 and all other movies will be rated based on this.

Like I said, a highly technical, tightly defined system.

But She Won't Invite Him To Sit With the Kewl Kids

Bush, the lesser, was asked at a news conference yesterday what would happen since the Iranian ambassador would be attending the same European Summit as Condi Rice. His answer was that Condi would be nice to the ambassador if they were to bump into each other but no other discussions would happen. Holy Shit! This is so juvenile! It is embarrassing to think that dialog that could defuse an escalating situation will not happen because the "leaders" of our country will not engage in discussions with a select group of countries. Obviously, it is to continue the drumbeat leading to a potential action against Iran. The handlers of Bush, the lesser, want this to continue so that the war business can be expanded and financial projections can be met. The neocon Kool Aid drinkers think he is being tough. Not so, he is either stupid or immoral and probably both.

Deliver us from evil.

Best Magazine Cover Since Anna Nicole Was On The Cover of Playboy

These would be the best things to happen to the country since, well, ever.

I don't know who did this and I may be violating all manner of copyrights, but this is too good not to share.

Please, make it so.