Things I Dislike About Sports and Sporting Events

Even though one of my New Year's resolutions was to watch less television, I have spent most of today watching football bowl games. After some thought, not always coherent, I have the following lists of things that I don't like about sports and sporting events (again, in no particular order):

• When athletes wave their hands and exhort the crowd to cheer more. Do something good, Dude, and I'll yell my head off. Concentrate on your job: playing. I'll decide when to cheer.
• When a football player, whose team is trailing by multiple touchdowns, picks up 6 or 8 yards for a first down and then bounces up and gesticulates like he just scored the go-ahead points. You must be competitive in order to deserve to celebrate like that. Do your job and when the score gets tighter you might be entitled to celebrate some. Same thing for a basketball player that dunks and pulls his team within 20 and then snarls and yells. Really, not cool.
• Athletes talking in cliches. Actually, just athletes talking.
• Sideline announcers talking in cliches. Actually, just sideline announcers.
• Any event that has any commentary from Chris Berman, Dick Vitale or Paul Maguire. Doesn't anyone have the balls to remove these guys from the media sphere? They render any event, however otherwise enjoyable, almost completely unwatchable for me. Am I the only one that feels like this? Apparently, since they show up everywhere.
• Referring to the Rose Bowl always as "The Rose Bowl, the Grandaddy of Them All". It seems as if the name is trademarked and the announcers can't say the Rose Bowl without adding the trailer. After the 60th or 70th time, it really gets trite.
• Athletes gesturing toward the sky after a home run, touchdown or other happening; giving "God all the glory" for their win, record, first down, etc.; or making some other religious gesture (e.g. crossing themselves before a turn at bat or a free throw) to try to get God on their side in an athletic contest. Does anyone actually believe that the forces that put this universe together give even the slightest shit about what happens in something as unimportant as an athletic event?

And the thing I really dislike is other people criticizing athletic events. I am the only one qualified to do that.