I'm Voting Republican!

There Oughta Be A Law.

A number of responsible nations, including England, but not including the U.S. (I said responsible, remember) have approved the ban of cluster bombs, those evil devices that are basically good for blowing up children that pick up the undetonated bomblets.

Now, if there was just a treaty for the ban of clusterfucks or clusterfuckheads.

More laziness...

Signs of the Times - Part 3

Too lazy to think up something to post:

Follow Up to "Political Theater Comes To Austin"

A couple of people took the time to read this little POS blog (Thank you very much) and comment on my recent post. They took me to task by suggesting that I had advocated doing away with the primaries and democracy in general. I really am in violent agreement with their positions, i.e. that we should have the most democratic and fair primaries possible (and let's not even start to talk about the bewilderment that are caucuses). I believe that the nominees should be elected by popular vote. It even seems to me to make sense to apportion the delegates by the overall popular vote in the state, rather than by congressional district, even though that may give cities a disproportional influence. I am opposed to the super delegate concept as that seems to be a mechanism to thwart the popular will.

So, the point I was really trying to make (perhaps fairly inartfully) by engaging in some hyperbole, is that the most important thing in this whole mess is to elect the Democratic nominee. We have the luxury of two great possibilities. If you are displeased with the manner in which the nominee is chosen, work to change it, but please don't stay home in November.

Because, if you would rather live in Pakistan, try 8 years of McCain and you won't even feel like you have to move.

Political Theater Comes to Austin

Hillary and Obama are coming to town tonight. Good political theater but hardly anything else other than the opportunity for the Democratic Party to rend itself completely in two and allow the Republican nominee to win in November. I’ve seen polls that indicate that a majority of Obama supporters will not vote for Hillary if she is the nominee and that more than 40% of Hillary supporters would return the favor. The Obamanians (Obamaniacs?) are particularly concerned that Hillary and the Clintonians will pull some kind of shenanigan at the Convention through the “Super” Delegates or otherwise and end up with the nomination. If that happens, there may be mutiny in the Democratic ranks. This could end up being on of the biggest tragedies of our time as I believe that this Country can not survive as a country I want to live in if it is subjected to another 8 years of Republican reign. McCain already has had his lips surgically attached to Bush’s ass and if he is not the nominee because of this lobbyist/mistress story in the New York Times then Huckabee might be our Pastor in Chief. Heaven forbid! (and I mean that in the most literal sense).
To plagiarize (another potential splitter) from a Pepsi commercial: WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!
It is imperative that you put your differences behind you after the convention and support the Democratic nominee. The stakes are too high not to do so.
I plan to vote for Hillary in the primary. I will do this because I know her personally and have worked with her in a business and legal setting in a prior life. I know she is extremely intelligent, aggressive, personable and more than competent to be president (particularly with the abysmal standards being set by the present occupant). She couldn’t pick me out of a line up as her life has been relatively full the last few years but I would be proud to vote for her for president. I would also be proud to vote for Obama. He seems to have the charisma and the ability to motivate and unify the country and I could certainly live with that.
I want the Democratic Convention to be a model of democracy and harmony but even if the Super Delegates lock the regular delegates out of the auditorium, strip them naked and paint them purple and then play “Rock, Paper, Scissors” and nominate Scooby Doo as the Democratic nominee, I am going to have a Scooby Doo bumper sticker and yard sign and give the maximum amount possible to his campaign. It’s that important to get the Repugs out.
Scooby snacks for everyone.

Time Remaining Until the End of An Error

Sign of the Times - Part 2 - It's Everywhere

A Sign of the Times.

Let it be written, let it be done.

Movie Review - "Juno" - Mothra 6.9

For rating metrics, see post of May 2, 2007.

Juno is the eponymous main character. She is a marginally weird 16 year old that gets pregnant from having sex in a chair with her boyfriend one day when they are bored. Although he disputes the bored part because he knew that the Blair Witch Project was coming on later and she hadn't seen it since the theaters and therefore couldn't have been bored. Juno decides to have an abortion but decides against it and contracts with a yuppie couple to adopt it when she delivers. The couple then decides to split up. Juno is conflicted. Spoiler alert: it all works out fairly sweetly, in fact, really sweetly. I have seen some really sweet movies lately (see earlier review on "Enchanted").

Ellen Page plays Juno and is very good. She is the smartest and most together (except for the getting pregnant part) of all the characters and has some really good lines. The writing is exceptional. Michael Cera of Arrested Development and Super Bad is the boy friend. He plays the same dork that he always plays. Jason Bateman (Michael's dad in Arrested Development) plays the proposed adoptive father that decides he doesn't want to be a dad in this one. Jennifer Garner ("The Kingdom", "Alias", "Daredevil", etc.) does pretty well as the suburbanite who wants to be a mother but doesn't really know how.

Quirky, funny, bitter sweet, this one is at least worth a rental and certainly a place in the Netflix queue.

Chertoff's Gut Says Home Cooking Provides The Most Risk

If Chertoff's gut tells him the biggest risk of terrorism is coming from the U.S., let's bring the troops home and have them occupy the U.S. Let's fight them here so we don't fight there, or something like that.

Truth is, this administration doesn't have a fucking clue!

Another Cliff Clavin Moment: Un-freaking-believable Ways To Die

Wikipedia has accumulated a list of bizarre deaths. Supposedly somewhat factual, but some lack a certain feeling of credibility.

Wikipedia has organized the deaths in chronological order.

Some of my personal favorites are having your bald head mistaken for a stone by an eagle (458 BC), eating too many lampreys (1135), having a red hot poker stuck up your butt (1327), Jack Daniel (yeah, that Jack Daniel) dieing from kicking his safe (do you suppose alcohol was involved?) (1911), laughing yourself to death (1975, 207 BC) and being stabbed to death and eaten after you have shared a meal of parts of yourself (2001).

O death, where is thy sting? Oh, right there in 1322.

Flurry of Movie Reviews: Enchanted - Mothra 5.0, Dan In Real Life - Mothra 6.4, The Bee Movie - Mothra 6.0

For rating metrics, see post of May 2, 2007.

Enchanted - Went to this one to appease my spousal unit. Did not know anything about it. Basically it is Cinderella (are there no new ideas?) Cartoon beginning where the evil stepmother of the prince love interest throws the lovely princess down a well that delivers her into Manhattan. She's totally unequipped to survive in N.Y. except through force of her eternally sunny disposition and of course, she is unwillingly rescued by her future love interest, Dr. McDreamy (Patrick Dempsey). Her cartoon love interest pursues her to N.Y. to save her. He is altogether irretrievably optimistic, also. Did I mention that they sing and dance at odd moments? Susan Sarandon is good as the evil queen. This one is so sweet I needed an insulin shot before it was over. Unless you're a 10-13 year old girl, do not go to the theater, rent or net-flix this one.

Dan In Real Life - Dan (Steve Carell) writes an advice column, is a widower and has three daughters. Of course, even though he give advice, he can't relate to his daughters or conduct his own life. He meets the first girl he has been interested in since the death of his wife (4 years ago). She is Juliette Binoche ("Chocolat", etc), perhaps the most appealing actress on the planet. Trouble is, she turns out to be his brother's girl friend. The brother is Dane Cook. How did he start to get parts and why does he still get them? Dan learns of this problem when they are all thrown together at a big family get together. Predictability ensues. Steve Carell is pretty good and a sympathetic character except when he gets really dumb. Juliette Binoche is extremely appealing. This one is worth a rental or at least a net-flix queue. Only pay for this at theater as a date movie.

Bee Movie - Attended this one on a baby sitting gig. It's an animated feature about a bee (voice over by Jerry Seinfeld) that doesn't want to be relegated to the traditional duties in the hive. He escapes and breaks the first law of Beedom by talking to a human. The human (voice over by Renee Zellweger) takes a shine to the bee for no apparent reason. Barry the bee then learns that the humans are stealing all their honey and the bees are getting nothing for it. He files a law suit against the humans and wins and under the category of unintended consequences, all the bees stay in the hive and all the flowers die. Renee Zellweger's character is, of course, a florist and her business withers. Everything is saved in the end after homage to the Rose Parade and all the airplane movies. The trouble with this one is that the humor is geared toward adults and the movie is geared toward kids. Doesn't succeed with either. The voice overs by Puddy (Patrick Warburton) are good. Rental or net-flix only and if you are using it to subdue some kids, only count on about 30 minutes respite.

Captures the Essence of Christmas Like No Other.

Ah, smell that? Christmas is in the air.

You know, sometimes if you just started out to make something up like this, you wouldn’t be able to do it. Things that make perfect sense in other cultures just don’t compute in ours.
For example, apparently in the area of Catalan, which is in the northern part of Spain, the Nativity scenes for the Christmas season includes a little something extra. Somewhere in the traditional Catalan nativity scene, often over to the side, a small additional figure is included called a Caganer.
Caganer, roughly translated to English, means defecator and that is exactly what the statue is, a reproduction of someone taking a dump. Obviously, everybody is entitled to their own religion and beliefs and their way of celebrating but for me nothing says Merry Christmas as much as a lawn gnome dropping a Yule log just north of baby Jesus.
To make this even more bizarre to my white bread sensibilities, you can buy caganers of famous people, such as soccer players, infamous world figures and politicians (last two categories probably substantially overlap). So, you guessed it, you can get a caganer statue of such luminaries as Bush, the lesser and Pau Gasol, the pro basketball player. Apparently you could also get one for Osama bin Laden but this particular web site must have sold out due to popular demand.
One of the interesting parts of the Bush caganer is that he is carrying a globe of the world under his arm as he squeezes off a loaf. It would be more accurate if he was depicted shitting on the world.
Kind of makes you feel festive, doesn’t it?

George Bush on Global Warming - Very Funny!

We Have Become "That Nation"

A most excellent article by Malcolm Nance on torture in general and water boarding in particular is found here. It is written by someone with actual knowledge of how it is administered and how it is used. This is much different than the quality of discussion put forth by Joe Scarborough here ("90% of Americans would support this") or by batshit crazy Rachel Mardsen ("...CIA sponsored swim lesson").

Mr. Nance has a number of astoundingly astute quotes in his article. For example:

"We, as a nation, are having a crisis of honor."

***

"We live at a time where Americans, completely uninformed by an incurious media and enthralled by vengeance-based fantasy television shows like “24”, are actually cheering and encouraging such torture as justifiable revenge for the September 11 attacks. Having been a rescuer in one of those incidents and personally affected by both attacks, I am bewildered at how casually we have thrown off the mantle of world-leader in justice and honor."

***

"Who will complain about the new world-wide embrace of torture? America has justified it legally at the highest levels of government. Even worse, the administration has selectively leaked supposed successes of the water board such as the alleged Khalid Sheik Mohammed confessions. However, in the same breath the CIA sources for the Washington Post noted that in Mohammed’s case they got information but "not all of it reliable." Of course, when you waterboard you get all the magic answers you want -because remember, the subject will talk. They all talk! Anyone strapped down will say anything, absolutely anything to get the torture to stop. Torture. Does. Not. Work.
According to the President, this is not a torture, so future torturers in other countries now have an American legal basis to perform the acts. Every hostile intelligence agency and terrorist in the world will consider it a viable tool, which can be used with impunity. It has been turned into perfectly acceptable behavior for information finding."

***

"I have stated publicly and repeatedly that I would personally cut Bin Laden’s heart out with a plastic MRE spoon if we per chance meet on the battlefield. Yet, once captive I believe that the better angels of our nature and our nation’s core values would eventually convince any terrorist that they indeed have erred in their murderous ways. Once convicted in a fair, public tribunal, they would have the rest of their lives, however short the law makes it, to come to terms with their God and their acts.
This is not enough for our President. He apparently secretly ordered the core American values of fairness and justice to be thrown away in the name of security from terrorists. He somehow determined that the honor the military, the CIA and the nation itself was an acceptable trade for the superficial knowledge of the machinations of approximately 2,000 terrorists, most of whom are being decimated in Iraq or martyring themselves in Afghanistan. It is a short sighted and politically motivated trade that is simply disgraceful. There is no honor here."

Advocates of the use of this and other "enhanced interrogations techniques" (what a wordfuck euphemism!) trot out the old saw about what you would do in the event of a ticking time bomb in a major city. Let's assume, arguendo, that you could do it effectively, timely and that the information obtained was even moderately reliable. In that case, I might do it myself (just as Mr. Nance says he would gladly cut out Bin Laden's heart with a plastic spoon) but I would expect to be held accountable for this. If we refuse to define torture and allow one man to determine what it is or isn't and make it part of our routine arsenal, we make it the norm rather than the unholy exception it should be. Then we get Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo, the foreign black sites and the other atrocities we don't even know about.

In my earlier years, I was taught by the people that endured WWII that we were just better as a nation. We had higher morals, higher goals and should lead the world in finding better ways to do things. We would not lower ourselves to the level of nations like Nazi Germany, Cambodia, Vietnam and others that routinely used torture. We have failed to hold to our honor. This is not my United States. My United States does not redefine torture to be something else. My United States does not even have to have the discussion about whether water boarding is torture. We have become "That Nation".

Shame, shame on us all!

Summary Execution Justified

I generally don't believe in the death penalty for anything. I don't believe the State has that right and even if it does somehow, it is applied disproportionately, it is not a deterrent, mistakes are made and there is no appeal from death and it is cruel and unusual (how could death by painful injection, structured electrocution or asphyxiation by gaseous means not be?). Bush, the lesser, learned the political value of killing large numbers of brown skinned people while setting records for executions in Texas and he has carried that policy forward into his quagmire in Iraq today.

However, after spending 7 hours on a major interstate yesterday, I believe that summary execution should be available for those people that drive in the passing lanes at the same speed as the cars in the other lane. Yes, I'm talking about you Mr. SUV, minivan, etc. driver, motoring in the left lane passing someone going 70 at the dizzying pace of 72 miles per hour. That only takes about 10 miles and although you have no idea because your rear view mirrors are used only for applying makeup or checking out your dazzling smile, there are cars queued up behind you that have somewhere to go other than the Western Sizzlin' buffet line.

I don't care if you want to drive 40, just move over to the right when someone comes up behind you. Texas drivers don't seem to be able to master that concept. California drivers are better at it. You would think that might be reversed because of the number of guns in Texas but I suppose the people blocking traffic also are packing so they have some sense of entitlement.

I also don't care if you are traveling at or above the speed limit or at 100 miles per hour, if someone moves up behind you to a distance that would allow them to pass, move over. If they don't take the opportunity, then go for it.

Yes, I am the asshole that is riding your bumper going north on I-35. I hope that someday you will look back and actually obey the numerous signs that say that the left lane is for passing only.

Until then, beware.

A Gala Event

This past weekend the spousal unit and I had the distinct privilege of attending the wedding of her oldest male offspring

This occurred in beautiful Los Angeles (Tarzana, to be more precise) at a lovely country club overlooking the Valley.

The bride and the groom are both beautiful people, in appearance as well as character, and we couldn't be more proud.

We ate much good food and drank much good drink and partied well into the night. At least well into the night as it relates to old people.

The weather cooperated although it was hot when I arrived but cooled off in time for the event. Unfortunately (for the people involved), the smoke of the fires at Malibu wafted through the Valley. Our best wishes go out to all the people who lost lives, pets or property in these tragic series of events.

We were able to visit with family and old friends and make new friends. The bride's family predominately comes from the northeast and there was some concern (mainly on their part) about how the northern and southern components of this wedding gathering would interact. I don't know what their opinions are, but I have enjoyed getting to know them and now consider them good friends. They are good people and I welcome them as part of our extended family.

Some Rules for Living When Your Options Are Limited

Sometimes the best you can do is:

1. fluff the rat and call it a poodle;


2. move the turd to the other pocket; [1 and 2 courtesy of The Dilbert Blog]


3. when you have to eat shit, take big bites [commonly used maxim in the legal community].